9 Things Pregnant Women Are Sick of Hearing From Strangers

things pregnant women are sick of hearing from strangers

I want to clarify that this post does not pertain to my beloved family and close friends – people I don’t mind getting personal with and sharing details of my life with. This one is dedicated to the Nosy Nancy’s of the world who I’ve never met before and will never see again after our little “encounters”.

Now well into my second pregnancy, I’ve noticed that strangers LOVE talking to me about my pregnancy. It’s really quite baffling. I sort of noticed it during my first pregnancy, but I was just so enthralled in my new state of maternity that I didn’t mind the questions and sometimes off-putting remarks. Now that this is my second time around and the nostalgia of being pregnant has faded, some words for the wise: No, I don’t want to talk to you about it; yes, you’re being too personal, and for the love of God, DO.NOT. touch my stomach. You’ve been warned…

1. When are you due? 
I know, I know – this is the inevitable question – but must we really share with these complete strangers the presumed birth date of our new baby? I always wonder – what’s in it for them? So they can quickly calculate how far along I am in the 9 month journey and then make a judgement call on if my stomach looks “about 8 months” large?

2. Are There Twins In There?
This one always comes from old men who think they’re being funny. I get it, I get it – you’re making a joke because I’m so hugely pregnant. You’re hilarious, sir…really, you should be a comedian.

3. You Look Great!
This is all well and fine, but I mostly dislike the tone that accompanies this “compliment” — which is usually pure shock. It’s as if they picture all pregnant women laid up on the couch, sitting pretty at 500 pounds and stuffing their faces with donuts. (OK, while I might not be 500 pounds, there’s been a time or two – or maybe every Sunday – when I’ve been posted up on the couch with some maple bars).

4. Wow, They’ll Be Close in Age
This one usually follows the “when are you due” question. And after the complete stranger has computed my personal life (what month of pregnancy I’m in and the age of my toddler), the light bulb goes off for them: this woman’s kids will be close in age. Thank you, Captain Obvious! And from here there’s a 50/50 chance that they’ll either go into their experience of also having children close in age and tell you stories of how well they played together or, they take the negative route and say, good luck – I can’t imagine having two under two! Big gulps.

5. Let Me Guess — it’s a Girl! (or Boy!)
I always think it’s odd when complete strangers try to guess the gender of my unborn baby. Do they think they have some sort of psychic power? I blame it on all the old wives tales like, “if a pregnant woman is carrying high, it’s a girl — low, it’s a boy” and other assumptions that make every Suzie Q at the grocery store a maternity expert. I secretly love when they get it wrong though: Nope, nosy Nancy – it’s a boy. Better luck next time. 

6. You’re All Belly
I know this is meant to be a sweet gesture but really, they’re not fooling anyone. What are they going to tell me instead, “Wow, your arms are looking really FAT!” Or, “Yikes, look at the size of your thighs.” And let’s be honest, they didn’t know how I looked before pregnancy so can they really comment now on the fact that I’ve only gained weight in my mid-section? Me thinks not.

7. Have You Had Any Weird Cravings?
This one always makes me feel like they think I’m a mad woman who can’t control my eating habits (don’t look her straight in the eye or she might try to steal our bagel – these pregos are unpredictable!) And again, what’s in it for the questioner? So she can go home and tell her husband over dinner tonight that she met a pregnant woman at Starbucks who will only eat chocolate covered pickles with sprinkle on top? I refuse to be a part of the gossip chain so I usually reply with a smile, “just salty things.”

8. Your Bump is So Cute
I know this one is well-meaning but honey, I do NOT feel cute right now; carrying my 19 month old on one hip and trying to push the cart at Target with my hair disheveled and wearing my prego uniform including my husband’s baggy t-shirt and my tried-and-true yoga pants (even though I haven’t been to yoga since my daughter was born). But, thanks, complete stranger, thanks for trying. And again my question; what’s the alternative? “Wow, mam, you have an ugly bump – it looks abnormal. Really, you should get that checked.”

9. Can I Touch It?
Umm, excuse me, have we met? Can I awkwardly touch your shoulder and invade your personal space? If your answer is “no” to either of those questions, then my answer is most definitely, NO! And, spoiler alert: it feels like a basketball!

First Pregnancy vs. Second Pregnancy

I’ve been reminiscing about my first pregnancy lately and how it was so extremely different from this second pregnancy. We’re talking night and day! I’ll also be the first to admit that I was a little anal-retentive with my first one. I’ve relaxed A LOT this time around, so I’m sharing some funny differences between a first pregnancy vs. second pregnancy:

Frist Pregnancy vs. Second Pregnancy

First Pregnancy: You document your nutrition and ensure each food group is a part of your daily diet.

Second Pregnancy: Is gold fish off the floor and your toddler’s leftovers considered a full meal?

 

First Pregnancy: You take photos every week to document your growing little bump.

Second Pregnancy: Woops, you’re already in the third trimester; better take a picture of the bump so you can document it for the baby book that you’ll never have time to make anyway!

 

First Pregnancy: You avoid soft cheeses, turkey sandwiches, sushi and wine like the plague.

Second Pregnancy: Ehh- everything *safely* in moderation.



 

First Pregnancy: Your nursery is complete and perfect 3 months into pregnancy.

Second Pregnancy: You’re scrambling to get the room and “gear” together up until the last second.

 

First Pregnancy: Most of your soon-to-be son’s/daughter’s clothes are purchased new and hanging nicely in his/her closet months in advance.

Second Pregnancy: You’re all about the hand-me-downs – either from your older kids or your friends’ kids – spit-up stains and all! You also consider if it would be wrong to dress your newborn son in your daughter’s old pink pajamas – who will know?

 

First Pregnancy: You attend every class offered on child-birth, parenting, and breastfeeding and take notes.

Second Pregnancy: You could teach those classes in your sleep.

 

First Pregnancy: You read every pregnancy and parenting book cover to cover, sometimes twice.

Second Pregnancy: What is this thing called “reading” and who the hell has time for it?

 

First Pregnancy: You complete pregnancy-safe workouts at least three times per week.

Second Pregnancy: Chasing around your toddler and walking the dog = exercise complete.

 

First Pregnancy: You do your kegel exercises every day in preparation for labor.

Second Pregnancy: This time around the baby will just fall right out, right? 😉

 

First Pregnancy: You track your weight gain weekly, if not daily, to make sure you’re growing in the “normal” range.

Second Pregnancy: You have no idea how much you weigh except when your doctor checks you every month, because you threw away your personal scale after the first baby. (I gave the weight tracking duty to my husband: “Just tell me if I’m getting really fat” 😉 ) 

 

What else would you add?



Things That Become Difficult When You Have a Toddler and a Baby Bump

I’ve been lucky enough to have two “normal” pregnancies with no complications so far, and for that I am thankful. But, I will not lie, this second pregnancy has been much harder than my first. Maybe it’s because I just blocked out some of the less-glamorous aspects of being pregnant from my memory after the first time, or maybe it’s because I now have an energetic little toddler running around 24/7. Either way, the simple, small tasks of every day life have become increasingly more and more difficult when you have a toddler and a baby bump. Here are a few that come to mind:

toddler mom

1. ROCKING YOUR TODDLER TO SLEEP OR CUDDLING BEFORE BED TIME
Gone are the days when my toddler can cuddle up on my chest before bed time. She still tries but it’s not the most comfortable of places with a huge basketball between us. The cuddle sessions have evolved over the last few weeks from cuddling on my chest, to cuddling on the side, to now cuddling with Dad. :(

2. PUTTING YOUR TODDLER DOWN TO SLEEP IN HER CRIB
Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong! Belly bumps make it almost impossible to gently place a toddler in her crib for nap time or bed time – especially if the mattress is on the bottom level. My only solution is to reach in as far as my baby bump will allow and then ever-so-gently drop my toddler onto her mattress while saying a quick prayer that the minor fall doesn’t jolt her wide awake. This works about 75% of the time, and that percentage keeps dwindling as the bump gets bigger and the height of the drop increases.

3. MAKING MEALS FOR YOUR TODDLER
Nausea and food aversions have made it pretty difficult to whip up any sort of weird-smelling vegetable, chicken, or any other food that doesn’t sit well with me on that particular day. What’s worse? Watching your toddler attempt to eat said food while she smears it all over her face and the high chair. I’m still trying to perfect hiding my look of disgust during meal time. “Mmm, yummy green beans!” (barf!)

4. READING WITH YOUR TODDLER ON YOUR LAP
My daughter LOVES reading books so this has been a big adjustment for us. No longer can she sit directly on my lap while turning through the pages of her favorite books. We’ve switched our routine to her sitting directly beside me, tucked under my arm enjoying Good Night Moon for the 50th time that day.

5. PUTTING SHOES ON A TODDLER
Bending down to almost ground level to place shoes on a moving target is quite the challenge. I’ve found that counters come in nicely, if you can get your little one to sit still for more than 5 seconds and not jump off!

6. OVERALL EXHAUSTION
During my first pregnancy I worked full time, and often kept long hours at the office Monday through Friday – I thought that was tiring, even though I had the weekends to rest and do nothing. Now, this second time around, staying home with my 18 month old daughter is sort of like completing an obstacle course over and over again, 24/7. I chase her around, bend down then up to pick stuff up off the floor, lift her up and then down, carry her around for long periods of time, etc. Let’s just say, I hit the couch hard after she goes down at 7PM every night.

I know life is about to get a whole lot harder with “two under two” in the house, but at least I’ll be able to bend down and touch my toes when that time comes. 😉

Pregnant moms with toddlers, what else would you add? 

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